I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
