Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
they need to just BURY HIM!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
