I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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