walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
