I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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