Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
