My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
