I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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