Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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