You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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