Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
