i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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