this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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