i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
