Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
