You're completely useless in the revolution.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
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I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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