wakey wakey hands off snakey
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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