I need to stop coming to work sober
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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