don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
