is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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