remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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