how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
