you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize