your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
