I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i out mim tonsoeep
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