all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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