I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
