Life is so much better after having sex.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
