you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
