Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I need to stop coming to work sober
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
