Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
