Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
