my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
