Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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