My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
