i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
