I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
