2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
