She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
