Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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