Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
