true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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