I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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