I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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