I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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