he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
