Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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