I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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