The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
