he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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