Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So apparently I’m into choking now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
