I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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