I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
