Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
