i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
