Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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