You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
