and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
