woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
