So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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