Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
